From Wordplay

An exploration of words and language

The Five Oldest Words

Of all languages, throughout the ages, around the globe, there are five words that are today recognized as “the oldest.” University of Reading evolutionary biologist Mark Pagel studies have concluded the oldest words as: I Who Two Three Five These words are the most often used in daily speech – their forms or sounds date back over 10,000 years. Some of the other oldest words in mankind’s communicative history are: We Thou Name Tongue What How Where Four This extraordinary work was first reported in a 2009 issue of National Geographic, but detailed reports about Professor Pagel’s study are found…

Classic tongue-in-cheek puns

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.” A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.” A dyslexic man walks into a bra. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says : “A beer please, and one for the road.” Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…” I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day,…

A lesson in punctuation

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Our Redundant Redundancies

Have you notice we repeatedly use common figures of speech that are obvious redundancies?  Here are a few we’ve recorded at work in the last few weeks. an added bonus all inclusive basic fundamentals a brief moment it’s boiling hot let’s circle around classic tradition close proximity duplicate copy end result false illusion they’re immortalized forever live audience mental thought my personal opinion new discovery original founder it’s a temporary reprieve true fact unique, one-in-a-lifetime opportunity Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Monday Morning Definitions

COMPROMISE: The art of dividing A cake in such a way that Everybody believes He got the biggest piece CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man Multiplied by the Number present CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, Nobody listens OFFICE: A place Where you can relax After your strenuous Home life SMILE: A curve That can set A lot of things straight! And everybody disagrees later on ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel You are going to feel A feeling You have never felt before CLASSIC: A book Which people praise, But never read MARRIAGE: It’s an agreement Wherein A…

10 Spoonerisms, Oxymorons, & Palindromes

Here are three lists of special kinds of words…. a diversion for our wordsmith followers. Spoonerisms are slips of the tongue by transposing the sounds of words, usually by accident. (The term “spoonerism” is derived from W.A. Spooner (1844 – 1930), an English clergyman noted for such slips.) a lack of pieces – a pack of lies tips of the slung – slips of the tongue pleating and humming – heating and plumbing chilled grease – grilled cheese sparking pace – parking space chewing the doors – doing the chores clappy as a ham – happy as a clam wave…

Def’n on the origins of popular sayings

HOT OFF THE PRESS As the paper goes through the rotary printing press friction causes it to heat up. Therefore, if you grab the paper right off the press it is hot. The expression means to get immediate information. A SHOT OF WHISKEY In the old west a .45 cartridge for a six-gun cost 12 cents, so did a glass of whiskey. If a cowhand was low on cash he would often give the bartender a cartridge in exchange for a drink. This became known as a “shot” of whiskey. THE WHOLE NINE YARDS American fighter planes in WW2 had…

Double-takes Wordplay

Let’s take everyday words and do a double-take… Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.…

Oxymoronica

Dr. Mardy Grothe is a ‘wordsmith extraordinaire’ and he is an author of many books that take an in-depth look at some of the more amusing elements of our English language. A case in point is his book entitled Oxymoronica. By Dr. Grothe’s own definition, oxymoronica is a noun that means: “Any compilation of phrases or quotations that initially appear illogical or nonsensical, but upon reflection, make a good deal of sense and are often profoundly true.” The following list of oxymorons is concerning ‘writers’ and it is one of the many treasures found within the book Oxymoronica. It took…

25 Funniest Puns Ever

How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket! eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I’ve just written a song about tortillas. Actually, it’s more of a rap. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but it doesn’t matter; none of them work. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. I hate insects puns; they really bug me. Did…