Classic tongue-in-cheek puns

  • A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
  • A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”
  • A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  • A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says : “A beer please, and one for the road.”
  • Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”
  • I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.
  • I went to a seafood disco rave last week … and pulled a mussel.
  • Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
  • What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
  • That was two-thirds of a pun: ‘p’ , ‘u’ .


Check out By George Journal’s selection of puns in our archives – articles tagged “puns”.

(ed. – No punny post would be complete without acknowledging our friend, The Kng of Punsters, Dick Inwood. Thanks Dick for your years of providing our office countless morning smiles and groans!!)


Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a trusted executive assistant, a communications can-do guy, or a go-to-scribe? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Our Redundant Redundancies

Have you notice we repeatedly use common figures of speech that are obvious redundancies?  Here are a few we’ve recorded at work in the last few weeks.

  • an added bonus
  • all inclusive
  • basic fundamentals
  • a brief moment
  • it’s boiling hot
  • let’s circle around
  • classic tradition
  • close proximity
  • duplicate copy
  • end result
  • false illusion
  • they’re immortalized forever
  • live audience
  • mental thought
  • my personal opinion
  • new discovery
  • original founder
  • it’s a temporary reprieve
  • true fact
  • unique, one-in-a-lifetime opportunity

Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Monday Morning Definitions

The art of dividing
A cake in such a way that
Everybody believes
He got the biggest piece

The confusion of one man
Multiplied by the
Number present

A place where everybody talks,
Nobody listens

A place
Where you can relax
After your strenuous
Home life

A curve
That can set
A lot of things straight!
And everybody disagrees later on

A feeling when you feel
You are going to feel
A feeling
You have never felt before

A book
Which people praise,
But never read

It’s an agreement Wherein
A man loses his bachelors degree
And a woman gains her masters

The only time
When some married men
Ever get to open
Their mouth

The name
Men give
To their

The hydraulic force by which
Masculine will power is
Defeated by feminine water-power!

A person
Who tells you
To go to hell
In such a way
That you actually look forward
To the trip

A person
Who while falling
Says in midway

An art of transmitting information
From the notes of the lecturer
To the notes of students
Without passing through the minds
Of either

A person
Who lives poor
So that
He can die RICH!

A banker
Provided by

Who is early
When you are late
And late
When you are early

One who
Shakes your hand
Before elections
And your confidence

A person
Who kills
Your ills
By pills,
And kills you
By his bills!

A pinch of tobacco
Rolled in paper
With fire at one end
And a fool at the other!


(ed. – Our thanks to friend Dick Inwood for these priceless definitions. Great way to start the week!) 

Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

10 Spoonerisms, Oxymorons, & Palindromes

Here are three lists of special kinds of words…. a diversion for our wordsmith followers.

Spoonerisms are slips of the tongue by transposing the sounds of words, usually by accident. (The term “spoonerism” is derived from W.A. Spooner (1844 – 1930), an English clergyman noted for such slips.)

  • a lack of pieces – a pack of lies
  • tips of the slung – slips of the tongue
  • pleating and humming – heating and plumbing
  • chilled grease – grilled cheese
  • sparking pace – parking space
  • chewing the doors – doing the chores
  • clappy as a ham – happy as a clam
  • wave the sails – save the whales
  • tease my ears – ease my tears
  • our queer old dean – our dear old Queen


Oxymorons are adjectives describing nouns of opposite meaning (such as a jumbo shrimp)

  • virtual reality
  • original copy
  • old news
  • act naturally
  • pretty ugly
  • constant variable
  • exact estimate
  • paid volunteers
  • sound of silence
  • only choice


Palindromes are words or sentences that read the same backward or forward.

  • A nut for a jar of tuna.
  • Borrow or rob?
  • Do geese see God?
  • Go hang a salami. I’m a lasagna hog.
  • A man, a plan, a canal: Panama!
  • We panic in a pew.
  • Never odd or even.
  • Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?
  • Madam in Eden, I’m Adam.
  • Murder for a jar of red rum.


Chris George, providing reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.