Humourous Observations

“Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.” – Alex Levine

“I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.” – Mark Twain

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.” – George Burns

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” – Mark Twain

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” – Groucho Marx

“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” – Jimmy Durante

“I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“Money can’t buy you happiness …. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.” – Spike Milligan

“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.” – W. C. Fields

“Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.” – Joe Namath

“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.” – Bob Hope

“Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.” – Winston Churchill

“Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty.  But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.” – Phyllis Diller

“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.” – Will Rogers

“By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.” – Billy Crystal


Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

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