Tagged joke

It’s “the epic” collection of political jokes and quotes

Here is “the epic” collection of political jokes from the campaign trail. With just two weeks left in the Ontario election, By George is re-publishing its political jokes and quotes book with many more jokes and feature sections. This 150-page e-book is bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. The collection has some of the absolute best classics. It also has a selection of the most humourist and provocative memes culled from Facebook and Twitter. Epic Political Jokes & Quotes will put a smile on your face, one page after another. For many, it is…

10 comments sure to turn heads in your office

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. Some people cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. You’re never too old to learn something stupid. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.  It appears your desk is a work station. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever. The voices in my head may not be real, but they…

A lesson in punctuation

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Jokes of the Irish and their drinking

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. “So,” says the cop to the driver,  “where have ya been?” ” Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk. ” Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite  a few to drink this evening.” “I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile. “Did you know,” say’s the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell…

The Redhead

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there’s a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He’s been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. “Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,” she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner…

Gift-receiving – the pessimist and the optimist

. A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Eve the twins’ father loaded the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist’s room he loaded with horse manure. Christmas morning the father passed by the pessimist’s room and…

Sunday Smile: Painting the Church

There was a Scottish painter named  Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.   As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Lutheran Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.   Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.   So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint…

Holiday Cookie Rules

We just realized that we provided a recipe for Greek Christmas Cookies this week without forwarding any rules to help you through the season… Here are some Holiday Cookie Rules. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free. If you drink milk after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the milk cancels out the cookie calories (water has the same properties here). If a friend comes over while you’re making your Christmas cookies and needs…

This just in… Christmas is to be Downsized

Today’s global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary. The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance. The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated. The three French hens will remain…

Top-10 Things to Say about a Christmas Gift You Don’t Like

10. Hey! There’s a gift! 9. Well, well, well … 8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit. 7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement. 6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires. 5. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious! 4. I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire. 3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program. 2. To think — I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts…