Tagged puns

25 Favourite Christmas Puns

What did Adam say the day before Christmas? – It’s Christmas, Eve! What is a typical elf greeting? – “Small world, isn’t it?” You better get spruced up if you’re going to sell Christmas trees. Some children call him Santa Caus since there is Noel. How do Santa and Mrs. Claus travel? – On an icicle built for two. What do Christmas trees and bad knitters have in common? – They both drop their needles. If a reindeer lost its tail, where could he get a new one? – At a retail store. What do you call a reindeer who…

Sunday Smile: Painting the Church

There was a Scottish painter named  Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.   As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Lutheran Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.   Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.   So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint…

Here’s to a Punny Christmas

What did Adam say the day before Christmas? – It’s Christmas, Eve! What is a typical elf greeting? – “Small world, isn’t it?” You better get spruced up if you’re going to sell Christmas trees. Some children call him Santa Caus since there is Noel. How do Santa and Mrs. Claus travel? – On an icicle built for two. What do Christmas trees and bad knitters have in common? – They both drop their needles. If a reindeer lost its tail, where could he get a new one? – At a retail store. What do you call a reindeer who…

An unemployable bloke’s lament

This punny story is found in our very own By George Treasury:   My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned . . . couldn’t concentrate.  Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.  After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it, mainly because it was a so-so job.  Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.  Then I tried to be a chef, figured it would add a…

A few guffaws over “Social Media”

Here are a few one-liners, puns and jokes relating to “social media” to insert in your next presentation – or in your next conversation with a tech-fearing person. You just might be addicted to Social Media if you have more facebook friends than in real life… or, you tweet more than you talk when you hear a joke you say “lol” instead of simply laughing you can type eighty words a minute but talk thirty refer to yourself as your blog name – “Yeah I’m byGeorgeJournal!” You update your status to tell people what your having for dinner So, a man…

Punster Dick Inwood – thank you!

Our favourite punster is a long time friend of ours, Dick Inwood. He is always on our minds around the By George office when we see clever play on words. Recently he sent us a meme with what he entitled: “Perhaps the worst pun ever.” Agree?   As Fred Allen once said, “Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.” Our many thanks Dick. Keep ’em coming!   . Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Classic tongue-in-cheek puns

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.” A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.” A dyslexic man walks into a bra. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says : “A beer please, and one for the road.” Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…” I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day,…

Puns for Educated Minds

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool . I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O. I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now. Jokes about German sausages are the wurst. I know a guy who’s addicted to…

2 dozen great puns

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.…

5 shaggy-dog (pun-ishing) stories

Here are 5 gems to get you through the week!! King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.” The King protested, “But I paid a million dinars for it! Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!” Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you…