Let’s take everyday words and do a double-take…
- Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
- Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
- Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
- Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
- Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
- Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
- Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
- Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
- Pokemon (n), a Jamaican proctologist.
- Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
- Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
This list that was first printed years ago in the Washington Post and has forever circulated on the Internet and in e-mails ever since. The words are the winning entries in the newspaper’s contest that asked readers to supply alternate meanings for various words.
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