1. How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket!
2. eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
3. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
4. I’ve just written a song about tortillas. Actually, it’s more of a rap.
5. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but it doesn’t matter; none of them work.
6. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
7. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
8. I hate insects puns; they really bug me.
9. Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I’m excited to see how they turn out.
10. How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
11. I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.
12. Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory in France? De-brie was everywhere…
13. I’m glad I know sign language; it’s pretty handy.
14. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
15. Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So when they dock they can Scandinavian.
16. It’s really hard to explain puns to a kleptomaniac. They always take things literally.
17. I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
18. My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
19. My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn’t see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.
20. What’s the worst thing about ancient orators? They tend to Babylon.
21. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
22. I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na…
23. A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
24. A pet store had a bird contest, no perches necessary.
25. I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself, this is the last thing I need.

SOURCE:  From List 25 ~ https://list25.com/25-funniest-puns-ever/

Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.