If You Were Prime Minister

I asked my friend’s little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said she wanted to be Prime Minister of Canada one day.

Both of her parents, Liberal supporters, were standing there, so I asked her, “If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?”

She replied, “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.”  Her parents beamed, and said, “Welcome to the Liberal Party of Canada!”

“Wow…what a worthy goal!” I told her. I continued, “But you don’t have to wait until you’re Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house, mow the lawn, pull weeds and sweep my yard, and I’ll pay you $50. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out. You can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.”

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work and you can just pay him the $50?”

I smiled and said, “Welcome to the Conservative Party.”

Her parents still aren’t speaking to me.

 

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The Post Turtle

At a stop in Regina, a CBC reporter scanned the crowd of a Liberal rally for a possible interview. She decided to speak with an older farmer who was observing the events with some amusement. They spoke about Leader Justin Trudeau and the possibility of him being back in 24 Sussex in a matter of weeks.

The old gentleman said, “Well, ya know, Trudeau is a ‘post turtle.’”

Not comprehending what the old man meant, the reporter asked him what a ‘post turtle’ was. He said, “When you’re driving down a prairie dirt road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a ‘post turtle.’”

The farmer saw a puzzled look on the reporter’s face so he continued to explain, “You know he didn’t get there by himself, he doesn’t belong there, he can’t get anything done while he’s up there, he doesn’t know what he’s going to do next, and you just want to help the poor bastard get down.”

 

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The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it hereOrder your copy here.

First Grade Lesson in Politics

A first grade teacher explained to her class that she was a Liberal. She asked her students to raise their hands if they were Liberals too.  Not really knowing what a Liberal was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands exploded into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There was, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy did not go along with the crowd. The teacher asked her why she decided to be different and she said, “Because I’m not a Liberal.”

Then, asked the teacher, what are you?  “Why I’m a proud Conservative,” boasted the little girl.

The teacher was a little perturbed, her face slightly red. She asked Lucy why she was a Conservative.

“Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are Conservatives and I am a Conservative too.”

The teacher was angry. “That’s no reason,” she said loudly. “What if your Mom was a moron and your Dad was a moron. What would you be then?”

Lucy paused and smiled. “Then,” said Lucy, “I’d be a Liberal.”

 

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The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it hereOrder your copy here.

Five Best Sentences in Politics

  1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
  2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
  3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
  4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
  5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they worked for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation!

 

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The Elderly Priest

An elderly Canadian priest lay on his death bed.

He sent a message for Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and the federal Finance Minister Bill Morneau to come to the hospital. When they arrived they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the priest held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.

The priest grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both Justin Trudeau and Bill Morneau were touched and flattered that this elderly priest would ask them to be with him during his final moments. However, the Liberals were also puzzled because the priest had never given any indication that he particularly liked, or even knew, either one of them.

Finally, Justin Trudeau asked, “Father, why did you ask the two of us to come here?”

The old priest mustered all his strength, and then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves and that’s how I’d like to go.”

 

FROM OUR E-BOOK

The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it hereOrder your copy here.