Tag Archives: joke

An apology for adding raisins

Canadians receive long-awaited apology from person who first added raisins to butter tarts

Pastry connoisseurs were shocked this morning when 98-year-old Rosie Vasco, the first person to publish a butter tart recipe that inexplicably called for raisins, issued a long-awaited public apology for desecrating one of Canada’s most beloved baked goods.

“My sincere apologies to anyone who has ever innocently bitten into a butter tart, unaware that it is filled with raisins,” Vasco said in a press conference from her nursing home. “I have spent my life haunted by guilt for the undue anguish my recipe has caused the bake sale community.”

The apology had special significance to Jeanie McLean, great-granddaughter of butter tart inventor Bertha McLean.

At her home in Barrie, Ontario, Jeanie flips through a scrapbook filled with pictures of butter tarts. She stops on a worn page from a 1942 issue of Chatelaine and her eyes instantly well with tears.

“This is it. The first published butter tart recipe to include raisins,” McLean says. “It’s hard for me to look at. Dad says it’s what sent Grannie to her grave.”

In 2000, the year the butter tart celebrated its centennial, McLean organized a petition calling for an apology from the author of Chatelaine‘s “tart sacrilege.”

More than 850,000 Canadians signed the petition, demanding reparations for the damage the highly controversial dried fruit had caused to the reputation of the nationally acclaimed dessert.

One of the signatories was Gordie Beynon, then 29, who says his father’s homemade butter tarts used to be his favourite treat.

“While visiting Dad in the hospital, I noticed the cafeteria sold butter tarts. I bought one thinking it would comfort him,” Beynon said. “He took one bite, whispered ‘RAISINS,’ and slipped into a coma he never came out of.”

Beynon added, “To be fair, “Raisins” was also the name of his beloved childhood toboggan, so I’m not sure what he meant.”

Vasco said it took her 17 years to respond to the petition due to a constant stream of threats.

“People have called me a grape murderer. They’ve mailed me Glosette Raisins boxes filled with chocolate-covered flies,” she said. “In 1987 someone broke into my house and left a beheaded California Raisins doll in my bed. They weren’t sure where its neck started, so they just left its arms and legs.”

Vasco says she’s apologizing now to “make amends with God.”

“My pastor told me raisins are the husks of grapes who have gone to hell.”

However, McLean says forgiveness will take time.

“I’m still too scared to buy unmarked tarts at farmers markets. I will not rest until every tart is pure and safe.”

(Yes, this is Canadian humour written by Laura Salvas and published by CBC Comedy. Go to the original post here.)

By George has declared July as “Butter Tart Month.” Here is a menu of our delectable articles on Canada’s iconic dessert.

Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer or experienced communicator? 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

You might be Canadian if…

You might be Canadian if:

  • You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat.
  • You know how to pronounce and spell “Saskatchewan”
  • Your municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
  • You know that Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores before Christmas.
  • You bring a portable TV on a camping trip so that you don’t miss Hockey Night.
  • You substitute beer for water when cooking.
  • You pity people who haven’t tasted a “beavertail”.
  • You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time
  • You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  • You have twins named Wayne and Gretzky (alternately Gordie and Howe).
  • You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.
  • You know which leaves make for good toilet paper.
  • You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
  • The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

 

Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer or experienced communicator? 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.


The Redhead

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there’s a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He’s been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

“Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,” she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap.

They had a wonderful time. He stays for breakfast. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed.

Everything had been SO incredible!

“You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?”

“No,” she replies. . .

“You just happened to catch my eye.”

 

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Defining UP ?!

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is ‘UP.’  It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election (if there is a tie, it is a toss UP) and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We callUP our friends, brighten UP a room, polishUP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with (UP to) a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP!

Yes, one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?  U…  P…!

Did that one crack you UP?  Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book . . . or not . . . it’s UP to you.  Now I’ll shut UP!

(Thank you to our Ottawa friend and By George reader, Dick Inwood, who supplied us with this piece of nonsense.)

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

 

News Flash: Copper Wire

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brit’s, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly thereafter, a story published in the New York Times: “American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British”.

One week later, a member of Newfoundland’s Dept. of Mines and Resources reported the following: “After digging as deep as 30 feet in Corner Brook, Newfoundland – Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing.  Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Canada had already gone wireless.”

Just makes one damn proud to be Canadian, eh?

(ed. – This gem is from our friend Dick Inwood, who is a constant source of merriment around our office. Thank you Dick.)

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Educational E-mails (that’ll drive you around the bend)

Dear Friend,

     As we progress into 2020, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

     I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I can’t sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose. Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years. I can’t touch any woman’s handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet. I must send my special thanks for the email about rat dung in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. 

     ALSO, now I can’t have a drink in a bar because I fear I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone. I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers. I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.  I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up. I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life. I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down. I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. Thanks to you I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt. And thanks to your great advice I can’t ever pick up a dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over. I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

     Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

     So, now, if you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because I was told in an email that it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician!

     Oh, and by the way… a German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. (Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late!)

Yours Truly,

 

P. S. – I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

(ed. – Thanks to our friend Dick Inwood for sharing this laugh!) 

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Why did the chicken cross the road? (American Version)

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken. I invented the road, therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

COLIN POWELL: Now at the left of the screen you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

RALPH NADER: The chicken’s habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what they call it — the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.”

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I’ve not been told!

MARTHA STEWART: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer’s market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2013, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook – and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

VOLTAIRE: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.

SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

 

The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it hereOrder your copy here.

10 pieces of advice to remember in this crazy world

1. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. We get slapped on our butts. Then things get worse.
2. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead; do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either; just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
3. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
4. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
5. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
6. A closed mouth gathers no foot. So, never miss a good chance to shut up.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
9. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
10. Always remember you’re unique – just like everyone else.

 

 

A dozen questions for a Monday morning

  1. Why can’t women put on mascara and men shave with their mouth closed?
  2. Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage?
  3. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  4. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  5. Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
  6. Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?
  7. Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?
  8. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
  9. Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
  10. Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
  11. Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cosmetics at the front?
  12. Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

(ed. Our thanks to our friend Dick Inwood, who keeps us amused with his trickle of humourous e-mails.)

The Post Turtle

At a stop in Regina, a CBC reporter scanned the crowd of a Liberal rally for a possible interview. She decided to speak with an older farmer who was observing the events with some amusement. They spoke about Leader Justin Trudeau and the possibility of him being back in 24 Sussex in a matter of weeks.

The old gentleman said, “Well, ya know, Trudeau is a ‘post turtle.’”

Not comprehending what the old man meant, the reporter asked him what a ‘post turtle’ was. He said, “When you’re driving down a prairie dirt road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a ‘post turtle.’”

The farmer saw a puzzled look on the reporter’s face so he continued to explain, “You know he didn’t get there by himself, he doesn’t belong there, he can’t get anything done while he’s up there, he doesn’t know what he’s going to do next, and you just want to help the poor bastard get down.”

 

FROM OUR E-BOOK

The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it hereOrder your copy here.

First Grade Lesson in Politics

A first grade teacher explained to her class that she was a Liberal. She asked her students to raise their hands if they were Liberals too.  Not really knowing what a Liberal was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands exploded into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There was, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy did not go along with the crowd. The teacher asked her why she decided to be different and she said, “Because I’m not a Liberal.”

Then, asked the teacher, what are you?  “Why I’m a proud Conservative,” boasted the little girl.

The teacher was a little perturbed, her face slightly red. She asked Lucy why she was a Conservative.

“Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are Conservatives and I am a Conservative too.”

The teacher was angry. “That’s no reason,” she said loudly. “What if your Mom was a moron and your Dad was a moron. What would you be then?”

Lucy paused and smiled. “Then,” said Lucy, “I’d be a Liberal.”

 

FROM OUR E-BOOK

The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it hereOrder your copy here.

The Elderly Priest

An elderly Canadian priest lay on his death bed.

He sent a message for Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and the federal Finance Minister Bill Morneau to come to the hospital. When they arrived they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the priest held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.

The priest grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both Justin Trudeau and Bill Morneau were touched and flattered that this elderly priest would ask them to be with him during his final moments. However, the Liberals were also puzzled because the priest had never given any indication that he particularly liked, or even knew, either one of them.

Finally, Justin Trudeau asked, “Father, why did you ask the two of us to come here?”

The old priest mustered all his strength, and then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves and that’s how I’d like to go.”

 

FROM OUR E-BOOK

The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it hereOrder your copy here.

Go figure…

Curtis and Leroy saw an ad in the Kitchener Record and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry fellers, I have some bad news; the mule died last night.”

Curtis and Leroy replied, “Well, then just give us our money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that, I went and spent it already.”

They said, “OK then, just bring us the dead mule.”

The farmer asked, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?”

Curtis said, “We gonna raffle him off.”

The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!”

Leroy said, “We shore can!  Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!”

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis and Leroy at the Co-Op Grocery store and asked, “What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”

They said, “We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.”

Leroy said, “Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer $2 apiece and made a profit of $898.”

The farmer asked, “My Lord, didn’t anyone complain?” 

Curtis said, “Well, the feller who won got upset. So, we gave him his $2 back.” 

Well, word got out and Curtis and Leroy now work for the federal government. They’re overseeing the establishment of Trudeau’s Carbon Tax.

 

FROM OUR E-BOOK

The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it hereOrder your copy here.

Pet Parrot

During a lull between speeches at the recent Liberal convention, Sophie Grégeiore-Trudeau leaned over to chat with the PMs Chief of Staff Gerald Butts.

“You know, I bought Justin a parrot for Christmas. That bird is so smart, Justin has already taught him to pronounce over two hundred words!” 

“Wow, that’s pretty impressive,” said Butts, “but, you do realize that he just speaks the words, he doesn’t really understand what they mean.”  

“Oh, I know,” replied Sophie, “neither does the parrot.”

 

FROM OUR E-BOOK

The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it here. Order your copy here.

Three Contractors and the Fence

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence on Parliament Hill. One is from Ottawa, another is from Toronto, and the third is from Montreal. All three go with a government official to examine the fence.

The Ottawa contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he said, “I figure the job will run about $900 ($400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me).”

The Toronto contractor also did some measuring and figuring, then said, “I can do this job for $700 ($300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me).”

The Montreal contractor didn’t measure or figure, but leaned over to the government official and whispered, “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, said, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The Montreal contractor whispered back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Toronto to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replied the government official.  

And that is how our government procurement works.

 

FROM OUR E-BOOK

The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it here. Order your copy here.

Heart Attack

An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack.

The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER doctor appeared wearing his scrubs and a long face.

“Sadly,” he said, “I’m afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.”

“Oh, Dear God!” cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock.  “We’ve never had a Liberal in the family before!”

 

FROM OUR E-BOOK

The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it here. Order your copy here.

The Earliest Tale of Forecasting

Once upon a time there was a King who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and enquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. 

The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days. So the King went fishing with his wife, the Queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the King, the farmer said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area.”

The King was polite and considerate, and he replied, “I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional, and besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way.” So he continued on his way. However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition. 

Furious, the King returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the weatherman at once! Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster. The farmer said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain.”

So, the King hired the donkey. And so began the practice of hiring asses to work government’s highest and most influential positions.

 

FROM OUR E-BOOK

The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it here. Order your copy here.

Teaching Politics 101

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very Liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favour of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Conservative, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend, and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Audrey doing?”

She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She’s always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too hung over.”

Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0.  That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.”

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired back, “That’s a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I’ve worked really hard for my grades! I’ve invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the Conservative side of the fence.”

 

FROM OUR E-BOOK

The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it here. Order your copy here.

The Haircut

When campaigning along the streets of Toronto, Justin Trudeau ducked into a barber shop and asked the barber, “How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will the haircut look?”

The barber replied, “Just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous.”

An hour and fifteen minutes later Trudeau looked into the mirror in horror and the barber handed him a bill for $200.

Trudeau gasped, “You took too long, it doesn’t look that great, and it is costing me ten times more than you said!”

The barber smiled and replied, “That makes us even.”

 

FROM OUR E-BOOK

The joke was selected from Epic Political Jokes & Quotes – the 150-page-plus e-book bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. Read more about it here. Order your copy here.

 

#LOL #Humpday Memes

Here are six humourous memes to share and help get your friends and colleagues over the hump of the week! (Right click and save to your computer for use in emails and social media platforms.) Happy Wednesday!

 

 

 

 

 

 

And, here is a bonus image to forward to those who may be holding on by a thread and may need a little extra boost!

 

 

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.