25 Funniest Puns Ever

  1. How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket!
  2. eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
  3. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  4. I’ve just written a song about tortillas. Actually, it’s more of a rap.
  5. I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but it doesn’t matter; none of them work.
  6. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
  7. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
  8. I hate insects puns; they really bug me.
  9. Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I’m excited to see how they turn out.
  10. How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
  11. I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.
  12. Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory in France? De-brie was everywhere…
  13. I’m glad I know sign language; it’s pretty handy.
  14. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  15. Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So when they dock they can Scandinavian.
  16. It’s really hard to explain puns to a kleptomaniac. They always take things literally.
  17. I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
  18. My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
  19. My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn’t see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.
  20. What’s the worst thing about ancient orators? They tend to Babylon.
  21. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
  22. I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na…
  23. A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
  24. A pet store had a bird contest, no perches necessary.
  25. I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself, this is the last thing I need.

SOURCE:  From List 25 ~ https://list25.com/25-funniest-puns-ever/

Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Of Virtues and Vices

Writers will appreciate these listings… and, at the office, perhaps they will serve as good reference(s) for spicing up the next meeting?

The 7 holy virtues:

  • Faith – complete trust
  • Hope – to expect with confidence
  • Charity – goodwill and the love of humanity
  • Prudence – control and discipline
  • Justice – being impartial and fair
  • Temperance – moderation in action
  • Fortitude – strength

The 7 deadly sins:

  • Pride – excessive belief in one’s own abilities
  • Envy – excessive desire for possession of another’s
  • Gluttony – consuming more than one needs
  • Lust – excessive thoughts and actions of a carnal nature
  • Anger – uncontrolled feelings of hatred and rage
  • Greed – excessive desire for material wealth or gain
  • Sloth – avoidance of physical and spiritual work

And for the creators among our readership, here are the 9 muses we must pay homage to:

  • Calliope – muse of epic poetry
  • Clio – muse of history
  • Erato – muse of love poetry
  • Euterpe – muse of music
  • Melpomene – muse of tragedy
  • Polyhymnia – muse of sacred poetry or mine
  • Terpsichore – muse of dance
  • Thalia – muse of comedy
  • Urania – muse of astronomy

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Vonnegut’s 8 rules for writing

In his book Bagombo Snuff Box: Uncollected Short Fiction, American author Kurt Vonnegut listed eight rules for writing a short story:

  1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
  2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
  3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
  4. Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
  5. Start as close to the end as possible.
  6. Be a Sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
  7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
  8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

Gotta love Vonnegut!

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Top-10 Modern Phrases Originating from a Shakespeare Play

globetheater

Here are the Merriam-Webster on-line dictionary’s top-10 phrases used in our language today that have been taken from one of the masterful Bard’s works.

 

#1: Green-Eyed Monster

#2: In a Pickle

#3: Love is Blind

#4: Salad Days

#5: Wear My Heart on My Sleeve

#6: There’s the Rub

#7: Cruel to Be Kind

#8: Wild Goose Chase

#9: Dogs of War

#10: Strange Bedfellows

 

To have the sayings sourced and to learn of their common usage today, we encourage you to go to the dictionary’s slide presentation.

 

(ED. – This is a repost that originally appeared in By George Journal in July 2010.)

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.