Tag Archives: puns

A dozen excellent puns

  • A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
  • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  • All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.
  • When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
  • I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
  • This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
  • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
  • Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
  • I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
  • Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”

 

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Really, there’s nothing like a good pun

A fellow once sat up all night wondering where the sunshine comes from….

Finally, it dawned on him.

PUNS – we swear they make the world spin counter-clockwise. We absolutely love to hear that groan…. Here are three that will have your colleagues and friends looking sideways.

#1 – A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, the biologist was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

#2 – An Inuit out hunting seals in his boat found that his feet were beginning to freeze. Carefully shaving off little strips of wood from the frame he was able to get enough fuel to start a small fire by his feet. Unfortunately the hide covering of the boat caught on fire as well and his entire craft was consumed by flames. This goes to prove that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

#3 – A man rushed into the doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”

 

(ed. – Have you heard a good pun lately? Pass it on!)

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

 

 

 

I have been in many places…

I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots.  Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have been in Decisive…at least I think so.

I have also been in Doubt, but it makes me uncomfortable.  So I try to live by the motto: Often wrong, but never in Doubt.

I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to not bend.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible, but life shows me I am not.

People keep telling me I’m in Denial, but I’m certain I’ve never been there before!

I may have been in Continent, but I don’t remember much, except that it is very damp there.

Yes, I’ve been in many places….

 

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Sunday Smile: Painting the Church

There was a Scottish painter named  Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Lutheran Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.

Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:  “Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke..

.

“Repaint! Repaint!  And thin no more!”

 

(ed. – This smile was passed along by friend Mike Siatras of Ottawa. Thank you Mike!)

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

A few guffaws over “Social Media”

Here are a few one-liners, puns and jokes relating to “social media” to insert in your next presentation – or in your next conversation with a tech-fearing person.

You just might be addicted to Social Media if you have more facebook friends than in real life… or,

  • you tweet more than you talk
  • when you hear a joke you say “lol” instead of simply laughing
  • you can type eighty words a minute but talk thirty
  • refer to yourself as your blog name – “Yeah I’m byGeorgeJournal!”
  • You update your status to tell people what your having for dinner

So, a man and wife were both in an Internet Business, but it was the husband who truly lived, ate and breathed computers. His wife finally realized how bad it gotten when one day she was scratching his back, and he said “No, not there. Scroll down a little.”

Beware: Puns!

  • When you post graffiti on my wall, it’s deFacebook.
  • Fishing can be very “Web 2.0” – especially when it’s done in reel time.
  • Some people can’t stand social media, but I say tweet his own.
  • Though tweeting is now allowed in church, you must be worried about being text-communicated.

And from yesterday’s PR Daily, here is Sam Fiorella’s 12 most ridiculous social media job titles (in no particular order):

1. Web Alchemist
2. Head of Interactions
3. Ant Colony Forman
4. Chief People Herder
5. Chatter Monkey
6. Community Data Guerrilla
7. Social Media Guru
8. Social Media Swami
9. Public Happy Maker
10. Social Media Evangelist
11. Social Media Rockstar
12. Social Media Missionary

SOURCE:  http://www.prdaily.com/Main/Articles/8590.aspx

Punster Dick Inwood – thank you!

Our favourite punster is a long time friend of ours, Dick Inwood. He is always on our minds around the By George office when we see clever play on words.

Recently he sent us a meme with what he entitled: “Perhaps the worst pun ever.”

Agree?

Worst pun ever

 

As Fred Allen once said, “Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.”

Our many thanks Dick. Keep ’em coming!

 

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Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.