{"id":1218,"date":"2016-11-23T08:10:20","date_gmt":"2016-11-23T13:10:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/?p=1218"},"modified":"2023-01-10T22:18:25","modified_gmt":"2023-01-11T03:18:25","slug":"great-one-liners","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/?p=1218","title":{"rendered":"Great One-Liners"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn&#8217;t!<\/li>\n<li>I don&#8217;t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.<\/li>\n<li>I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!<\/li>\n<li>I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.<\/li>\n<li>Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.<\/li>\n<li>Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.<\/li>\n<li>Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m not a complete idiot &#8212; some parts are missing.<\/li>\n<li>Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.<\/li>\n<li>NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.<\/li>\n<li>God must love stupid people; he made so many.<\/li>\n<li>The gene pool could use a little chlorine.<\/li>\n<li>It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.<\/li>\n<li>Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.<\/li>\n<li>Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?<\/li>\n<li>Being &#8220;over the hill&#8221; is much better than being under it!<\/li>\n<li>Procrastinate Now!<\/li>\n<li>FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.<\/li>\n<li>A hangover is the wrath of grapes.<\/li>\n<li>A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.<\/li>\n<li>STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!<\/li>\n<li>They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.<\/li>\n<li>He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.<\/li>\n<li>HAM AND EGGS &#8211; A day&#8217;s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.<\/li>\n<li>The trouble with life is there&#8217;s no background music.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>This humourist list of one-liners and many more funny stories and jokes can be found in the <em>By George Treasury<\/em>. <em>(ed. &#8211; Y&#8217;know e-books make great gifts \u2013 check our on-line store:<\/em> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/?page_id=4603\">Our E-bookshelf<\/a>.<em>)<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Chris George, providing reliable PR &amp; GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? 613-983-0801 @<\/em> <a href=\"http:\/\/cgacommunications.com\/m\/\">CG&amp;A COMMUNICATIONS<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn&#8217;t! I don&#8217;t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me! I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Don&#8217;t take life too seriously; no one&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[46,21],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1218"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1218"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1218\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8784,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1218\/revisions\/8784"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1218"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1218"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1218"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}