“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.\u201d \u2013 Al McGuire
\u201cThe difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.\u201d \u2013 Albert Einstein
\u201cWar is God\u2019s way of teaching Americans geography.\u201d \u2013 Ambrose Bierce
\u201cIt would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.\u201d \u2013 Andy Borowitz
\u201cAt every party there are two kinds of people \u2013 those who want to go home and those who don\u2019t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.\u201d \u2013 Ann Landers
\u201cMy opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I\u2019m right.\u201d \u2013 Ashleigh Brilliant
\u201cHave you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?\u201d \u2013 Benny Hill
\u201cThe surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.\u201d \u2013 Bill Watterson
\u201cAs a child my family\u2019s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.\u201d \u2013 Buddy Hackett
\u201cMy favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.\u201d \u2013 Caroline Rhea
\u201cAll right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.\u201d \u2013 Casey Stengel
\u201cNever under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.\u201d \u2013 Dave Barry
\u201cHow many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.\u201d \u2013 Emo Philips
\u201cIf you live to be one hundred, you\u2019ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.\u201d \u2013 George Burns
\u201cTrouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.\u201d \u2013 Benjamin Franklin<\/p>\n\n\n\n