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1.\u00a0 It\u2019s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 2.\u00a0 What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 3.\u00a0 Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, \u201cDo all of you want a drink?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The first logician says, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The second logician says, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The third logician says, \u201cYes!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 4.\u00a0 Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. It\u2019s Einstein\u2019s turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims, \u201cNewton I found you! You\u2019re it!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Newton smiles and says, \u201cYou didn\u2019t find me, you found Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 5.\u00a0 A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment. They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician said, \u201cThis is pointless\u201d and he stormed off. The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway. The mathematician exclaimed on his way out, \u201cDon\u2019t you see, you\u2019ll never actually reach her?\u201d To which the engineer replied, \u201cSo what? Pretty soon I\u2019ll be close enough for all practical purposes!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 6.\u00a0 A roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. \u201cYou mean a martini!\u201d the bartender asks.\u00a0 The Roman replied, \u201cIf I had wanted a double, I would have asked for it!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 7.\u00a0 Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, \u201cFive beers, please.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 8.\u00a0 A logician\u2019s wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the new born to the dad. His wife is impatient: \u201cSo, is it a boy or a girl?\u201d\u00a0 The logician replies: \u201cYes.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 9.\u00a0 Jean-Paul Sarte is sitting at a French caf\u00e9, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness<\/i>. He says to the waitress, \u201cI\u2019d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.\u201d The waitress replies, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Monsieur, but we\u2019re out of cream,. How about with no milk?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 10.\u00a0 Entropy isn\u2019t what it used to be. <\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 11.\u00a0 How can you tell a difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized. <\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 12.\u00a0 Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?\u00a0 Because Oct 31 =\u00a0 <\/span>Dec 25<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 13.\u00a0 Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Godel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, \u201cClearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it\u2019s funny or not?\u201d Godel replies \u201cWe can\u2019t know that because we\u2019re inside the joke.\u201d Chomsky says, \u201cOf course, it\u2019s funny. You\u2019re just telling it wrong.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 14.\u00a0 Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint, the phone rings and he jumps up shouting, \u201cOh shit, I forgot to feed the dog!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 15.\u00a0 Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, \u201cSorry, we don\u2019t serve noble gases here.\u201d He doesn\u2019t react.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 16.\u00a0 Schrodinger\u2019s cat walks into a bar. And doesn\u2019t. <\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 17.\u00a0 A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says, \u201cMake me one with everything.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 18.\u00a0 A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest says, \u201cWe don\u2019t allow Higgs Bosons in here.\u201d The Higgs Boson then replies, \u201cBut without me, how could you have mass?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n 19.\u00a0 The programmer\u2019s wife tells him, \u201cRun to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.\u201d\u00a0 The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread. <\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n