1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.<\/p>\n
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.<\/p>\n
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.<\/p>\n
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.<\/p>\n
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.<\/p>\n
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.<\/p>\n
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.<\/p>\n
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.<\/p>\n
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.<\/p>\n
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.<\/p>\n
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.<\/p>\n
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.<\/p>\n
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’<\/p>\n
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.<\/p>\n
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’<\/p>\n
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’<\/p>\n
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.<\/p>\n
18. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.<\/p>\n
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.<\/p>\n
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.<\/p>\n
21. A backward poet writes inverse.<\/p>\n
22. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.<\/p>\n
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.<\/p>\n
24. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!<\/p>\n
(ed. \u2013 Thank you to Dick Inwood \u2013 a very punny man! And for more puns, here are some archived posts<\/a> to groan at.)<\/em><\/p>\n