{"id":7532,"date":"2020-07-20T12:36:26","date_gmt":"2020-07-20T16:36:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/?p=7532"},"modified":"2020-07-27T23:32:05","modified_gmt":"2020-07-28T03:32:05","slug":"the-wit-of-steven-wright","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/?p=7532","title":{"rendered":"The Insight of Steven Wright"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-7534\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/12\/201501_1732_cifai_sm.jpg\" alt=\"201501_1732_cifai_sm\" width=\"300\" height=\"228\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Steven Wright is an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical observations, non sequiturs and one-liners.<\/p>\n<p>Here is a generous serving of wit from America\u2019s funny-man Steven Wright.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>I&#8217;d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.<\/li>\n<li>Borrow money from pessimists &#8212; they don&#8217;t expect it back.<\/li>\n<li>Half the people you know are below average.<\/li>\n<li>99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.<\/li>\n<li>82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.<\/li>\n<li>A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.<\/li>\n<li>A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.<\/li>\n<li>If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.<\/li>\n<li>All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.<\/li>\n<li>The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.<\/li>\n<li>I almost had a psychic girlfriend, &#8230;.. But she left me before we met.<\/li>\n<li>OK, so what&#8217;s the speed of dark?<\/li>\n<li>How do you tell when you&#8217;re out of invisible ink?<\/li>\n<li>If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.<\/li>\n<li>Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.<\/li>\n<li>When everything is coming your way, you&#8217;re in the wrong lane.<\/li>\n<li>Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.<\/li>\n<li>Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.<\/li>\n<li>I intend to live forever &#8230; So far, so good.<\/li>\n<li>If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?<\/li>\n<li>Eagles may soar, but weasels don&#8217;t get sucked into jet engines.<\/li>\n<li>What happens if you get scared half to death twice?<\/li>\n<li>My mechanic told me, &#8220;I couldn&#8217;t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?<\/li>\n<li>If at first you don&#8217;t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.<\/li>\n<li>A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.<\/li>\n<li>Experience is something you don&#8217;t get until just after you need it.<\/li>\n<li>The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.<\/li>\n<li>To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.<\/li>\n<li>The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.<\/li>\n<li>The sooner you fall behind, the more time you&#8217;ll have to catch up.<\/li>\n<li>The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.<\/li>\n<li>Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don&#8217;t have film.<\/li>\n<li>If at first you don&#8217;t succeed, skydiving is not for you.<\/li>\n<li>If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>This is a note of caution from Wikipedia. It states: Numerous lists of jokes attributed to Wright circulate on the Internet, sometimes of dubious origin. Wright has stated, &#8220;Someone showed me a site, and half of it that said I wrote it, I didn&#8217;t write. Recently, I saw one, and I didn&#8217;t write any of it. What&#8217;s disturbing is that with a few of these jokes, I wish I had thought of them. A giant amount of them, I&#8217;m embarrassed that people think I thought of them, because some are really bad.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p><em>Chris George, providing reliable PR &amp; GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? 613-983-0801 @\u00a0<\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/cgacommunications.com\/m\/\">CG&amp;A COMMUNICATIONS<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Steven Wright is an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical observations, non sequiturs and one-liners. Here is a generous serving of wit from America\u2019s funny-man Steven Wright. I&#8217;d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Borrow money from pessimists&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,11],"tags":[46],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7532"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7532"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7532\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12090,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7532\/revisions\/12090"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7532"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7532"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7532"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}