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Six Irish men were playing poker when one of them played a bad hand and died. The rest drew straws to see who would tell his wife. One man draws the shortest straw and goes to his friend\u2019s house to tell the wife.
\nThe man says to her, \u201cYour husband lost some money in the poker game and is afraid to come home.\u201d
\nThe wife says, \u201cTell him to drop dead!\u201d
\nThe man responds, \u201cI\u2019ll go tell him.\u201d<\/p>\n
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Never iron a four leaf clover. You don\u2019t want to press your luck.<\/p>\n
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The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven\u2019t got the joke yet.<\/p>\n
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One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.
\n“Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory”
\nPaddy shook his head. “Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned”
\nMrs McMillen starts crying. “Oh don’t tell me that, did he at least go quickly?”
\nPaddy shakes his head. “Not really – he got out 3 times to pee!”<\/p>\n
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There are only three kinds of men who don\u2019t understand women: young men, old men, and middle-aged men. (Irish saying)<\/p>\n
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An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
\nHe says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”
\n“Just water,” says the priest.
\nThe trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”
\nThe priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”<\/p>\n
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Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
\nThe man said, “I do Father.”
\nThe priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
\n“Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply.
\n“Then stand over there against the wall,” said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
\nO’Toole said, “No, I don’t Father.
\nThe priest said, “I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”
\nO’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go on a trip right now.”<\/p>\n
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Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
\nAfter a while, one amazed onlooker said: “Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?”
\nThe hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, “Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.”<\/p>\n
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Irish diplomacy – the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way they\u2019ll look forward to the trip.<\/p>\n
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Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
\nPaddy says, “Are you on foot or in the car?”
\nBilly says, “In the car.”
\nPaddy says, “That’s the quickest way.”<\/p>\n
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A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”
\nThe room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?”, asks the Irishman.
\nThe Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
\nThe Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”
\nThe Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first”.<\/p>\n
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An Irishman goes into a bar in America and orders three whiskeys. The barman asks: “Would it be better for if I put all three shots in one glass?”
\nThe Irishman replies: “No! I have two other brothers back at home, so every time I come into a pub, I order a shot for them both.”
\nThe following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys.
\nThe barman asks: “Did something happen one of your brothers?” “Oh no,” replies the Irishman. “I just decided to quit drinking!”<\/p>\n
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The Irish way – Now don\u2019t be talking about yourself while you\u2019re here. We\u2019ll surely be doing that after you leave.<\/p>\n
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The Absolute Best Irish Joke of All-Tiime Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.”
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\nThe other guy responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”
\nThe first guy says, “So am I! And where abouts from Ireland might you be?”
\nThe other guy answers, “I’m from Dublin, I am.”
\nThe first guy responds, “Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?”
\nThe other guy says, “A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.”
\nThe first guy says, “Faith & it’s a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?”
\nThe other guy answers, “Well now, I went to St. Mary’s of course.”
\nThe first guy gets really excited, and says, “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?”
\nThe other guy answers, “Well, now, I graduated in 1964.”
\nThe first guy exclaims, “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self.”
\nAbout this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over shaking his head & mutters, “It’s going to be a long night tonight.”
\nThe guy asks, “Why do you say that?”
\nBartender responds, “Well, the Murphy twins are drunk again.”<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Irish_staring-at-a-glass-of-beer-1.jpg\")
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