{"id":8563,"date":"2016-09-16T08:36:31","date_gmt":"2016-09-16T12:36:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/?p=8563"},"modified":"2016-09-16T08:36:31","modified_gmt":"2016-09-16T12:36:31","slug":"borowitz-on-a-friday-morning","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/?p=8563","title":{"rendered":"Borowitz on a Friday morning!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Andy Borowitz is a New York\u00a0Times<\/em>\u00a0best-selling author and a comedian who writes in The Borowitz Report<\/strong><\/em> in The New Yorker<\/em>. These two priceless Borowitz columns first appeared in The New Yorker<\/em>\u2026<\/p>\n

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Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.<\/p>\n

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\u201cThese humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information,\u201d Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said. \u201cAnd yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive.\u201d<\/p>\n

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More worryingly, Logsdon said, \u201cAs facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.\u201d<\/p>\n

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While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data, they theorize that the strain may have developed the ability to intercept and discard information en route from the auditory nerve to the brain. \u201cThe normal functions of human consciousness have been completely nullified,\u201d Logsdon said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

While reaffirming the gloomy assessments of the study, Logsdon held out hope that the threat of fact-resistant humans could be mitigated in the future. \u201cOur research is very preliminary, but it\u2019s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

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Many in Nation Tired of Explaining Things to Idiots<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Many Americans are tired of explaining things to idiots, particularly when the things in question are so painfully obvious, a new poll indicates.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

According to the poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota\u2019s Opinion Research Institute, while millions have been vexed for some time by their failure to explain incredibly basic information to dolts, that frustration has now reached a breaking point.<\/p>\n

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Of the many obvious things that people are sick and tired of trying to get through the skulls of stupid people, the fact that climate change will cause catastrophic habitat destruction and devastating extinctions tops the list, with a majority saying that they will no longer bother trying to explain this to cretins.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Coming in a close second, statistical proof that gun control has reduced gun deaths in countries around the world is something that a significant number of those polled have given up attempting to break down for morons.<\/p>\n

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Finally, a majority said that trying to make idiots understand why a flag that symbolizes bigotry and hatred has no business flying over a state capitol only makes the person attempting to explain this want to put his or her fist through a wall.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In a result that suggests a dismal future for the practice of explaining things to idiots, an overwhelming number of those polled said that they were considering abandoning such attempts altogether, with a broad majority agreeing with the statement, \u201cThis country is exhausting.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And that should get you through Friday with a smile!<\/em><\/p>\n

Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Andy Borowitz is a New York\u00a0Times\u00a0best-selling author and a comedian who writes in The Borowitz Report in The New Yorker. These two priceless Borowitz columns first appeared in The New Yorker\u2026   Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[71,49],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8563"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8563"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8563\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8564,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8563\/revisions\/8564"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8563"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8563"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bygeorgejournal.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8563"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}