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15 Humpday Revelations

Accept the fact that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue! Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. We could learn a lot from crayons.  Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.  Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. If you lend someone…

On Gratitude

The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. – H.U. Westermayer Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. – WT Purkiser So while it’s true that Thanksgiving only comes but once a year, we should actually celebrate thanks each and every day. It’s just a matter of learning to live with a spirit of gratitude. – Unknown Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and…

American Know-How

A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing. So American management…

The Trade Deal from America’s Perspective is: “A Win”

The Niagara Independent, October 5, 2018 – Tuesday morning the CBC ran a headline story: “‘Yay!’: How the Canadians won the argument that opened the door to a NAFTA deal” reporting a confident Prime Minister Justin Trudeau saying, “There was [on Saturday] a sense things were falling into place.” In most news reports this week Canadians have been reassured that PM Trudeau and Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland (dubbed “the warrior princess”) were victorious in wrestling U.S. President Donald Trump to concede to Canadian terms on an improved NAFTA deal. That is the Canadian story. But, how is this 11th hour…

Thanksgiving gaffaws (at the expense of the turkey)

Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play. What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?  If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy. Our turkey was sick. All day long it had a thermometer in it. Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken’s day off. What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck himself! Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble”?  Because they never learned good table manners! What sound does a space turkey…

Explaining Politics

MY SON WAS FLUNKING OUT OF COLLEGE SO I TOLD HIM, “YOU WILL MARRY THE GIRL I CHOOSE.” HE SAID, “NO.” I TOLD HIM, “SHE IS BILL GATES’ DAUGHTER.” HE SAID, “YES.” I CALLED BILL GATES AND SAID, “I WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY MY SON.” BILL GATES SAID, “NO.” I TOLD BILL GATES, “MY SON IS THE CEO OF THE WORLD BANK.” BILL GATES SAID, “OK.” I CALLED THE PRESIDENT OF WORLD BANK AND ASKED HIM TO MAKE MY SON THE CEO. HE SAID, “NO.” I TOLD HIM, “MY SON IS BILL GATES’ SON-IN-LAW.” HE SAID, “OK.”   AND THAT’S…