#LOL #Humpday Memes

Here are six humourous memes to share and help get your friends and colleagues over the hump of the week! (Right click and save to your computer for use in emails and social media platforms.) Happy Wednesday!

 

 

 

 

 

 

And, here is a bonus image to forward to those who may be holding on by a thread and may need a little extra boost!

 

 

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

 

 

You know you’re an avid hockey fan if…

  • You keep a picture of the Stanley Cup in your wallet in front of the picture of your family.
  • All your kids are either named Gordie, Bobby or Wayne.
  • Your idea of serving breakfast is giving each of your kids a fork and dropping an Eggo in the middle of the table.
  • You punish your kids with “minors,” “majors,” and “misconducts.”
  • You think the Canadian National Anthem is the theme from “Hockey Night in Canada.”
  • Instead of duct tape, you use hockey tape to fix everything.
  • You call a trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame a “pilgrimage.”
  • You went into a bank because it advertised “Free Checking”….and walked out disappointed.
  • You’re not allowed to play chess simply because the first time you played, you misunderstood the meaning of the word “Check.”
  • When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns red, you get really excited and chant, “He shoots!  He scores!”
  • Your cure for everything is a couple extra-strength aspirin and a shot of Novocain.
  • You can pronounce anything in French, yet you have no idea what it means.
  • You can say “Khabibulin,” “Tkachuk,” “Jagr,” “Leschyshyn” and “Nikolishin” without getting tongue-tied.
  • Every time you see the name “Roy” you automatically pronounce it “Wah.”
  • Your closet is divided into 2 sections:  HOME and AWAY
  • Everything in your wardrobe is your team’s colors.
  • When someone says, “two minutes” you respond, “What for!?!”
  • You bake biscuits – burn them black – in dimensions of 3″ by 1.”
  • You own a Zamboni and keep it in the garage while your main car stays in the driveway.
  • You think the proper way to spell the plural of “leaf” is “leafs.”
  • When someone refers to “The Classics,” you think they’re talking about the Original Six.
  • You consider the Forum in Montreal a place of worship.
  • Every time you hear a siren you wonder who scored.
  • Your calendar only runs from October to June.

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Top-10 Things to Say about a Christmas Gift You Don’t Like

10. Hey! There’s a gift!

9. Well, well, well …

8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit.

7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.

6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.

5. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!

4. I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

2. To think — I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

 

And the Number One Thing to say about a Christmas gift you don’t like:

1. I really don’t deserve this.

 

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Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

This just in… Christmas is to be Downsized

Today’s global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary.

  • The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.
  • The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.
  • The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.
  • The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.
  • The five golden rings have been put on hold by the management.
  • Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.
  • The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.
  • The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.
  • Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.
  • As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought.
  • The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility.
  • Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.
  • Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.
  • Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.
  • Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cut back on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.
  • We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
  • Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney’s association seeking expansion to include the legal profession (”thirteen lawyers-a-suing”), action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, there will be a request for management to scrutinize the “Snow White Division” to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

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Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

10 Guffaws to start the Christmas Partying

Here are some fun one-liners and jokes to get the laughter started at your Christmas gathering through this up-coming week.

  1. Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on Ebay? – Because they were two deer
  2. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? – Claustrophobic.
  3. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? – Frostbite.
  4. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? – Ribbon hood.
  5. Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital? – Because he has private elf insurance
  6. How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus weighed 7lb 6oz when he was born? – They had a weigh in a manger
  7. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus? – “I’ll have a boo Christmas without you.”
  8. What do you call a kid that doesn’t believe in Santa? – A rebel without a Claus.
  9. How long should a reindeer’s legs be? – Just long enough to reach the ground!
  10. Knock knock.  Who’s there? Mary and Abbey.  Mary and Abbey who?  Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

 

Find more jokes and conversation starters in the By George Journal in articles tagged “Christmas.”

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.