Category Archives: The Lighter Side

Humourous articles and classic jokes

Justin Trudeau’s Valentines Wishes

Here is an assortment of Valentine wishes featuring Canadian PM Justin Trudeau.

(ed. – Right click on the image and “copy”. Go ahead and spread the love today!) 

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS. Contact: ChrisG.George@gmail.com

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Valentine’s Wishes – from the U.S. Prez himself

Here are some of By George’s favourite Valentine wishes from United States President Joe Biden. (ed. – Right click on the image and “copy”. Go ahead and spread the love today!) 

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS. Contact: ChrisG.George@gmail.com

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Motivational verse for your first full work week of 2023

Author and poet of children’s books, Charles Ghigna, is known to many as Father Goose. As we approach our first full work week in this new year, we at By George Journal thought it might be helpful to share a few of Father Goose’s motivational verses.  So, enjoy these ditties as you shake off that holiday sluggishness. It’s time to check in. Go to it.

The Art of Start
Don’t search for inspiration when
You have a task to do;
Just start your work and you will see
That it will soon find you.

Best Laid Plans
A plan is only good if it
Is one that gets recruited;
For good intentions soon will die
Unless they’re executed.

Ants Never Cry “Uncle”
Consider the little ant.
He never says, “I can’t.”
And so it comes as no surprise,
He carries things ten times his size.

Heavy Mettle
Adversity is what it takes
To see our goals ascend;
In order for the kite to rise,
It flies against the wind.

Success Full
Never doubt what you can do
No matter what the chore;
Success comes when we care enough
To do a little more.

Finish Lines
Success is never measured by
The things we try to do;
It only comes when we have seen
A task completely through.

 

Chris George is an Ottawa-based government affairs advisor and wordsmith, president of CG&A COMMUNICATIONS. Contact: ChrisG.George@gmail.com

Humourous Observations

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” – Ambrose Bierce

“It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.” – Andy Borowitz

“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers

“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?” – Benny Hill

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson

“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett

“My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea

“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” – Casey Stengel

“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.” – Dave Barry

“How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.” – Emo Philips

“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.” – George Burns

“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.” – Benjamin Franklin

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

10 humourous taxing memes

For this federal budget week By George Journal serves up ten of our favourite memes on the subject of taxes. So, come Thursday, hold onto your wallet and laugh it off.

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Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

14 memes for Feb 14

Here are some St. Valentine memes to share on Twitter, Facebook, where you might. Enjoy the laughs!

#1 The politics of Love

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#2 The Big VD

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#3 It’s za thing this year…

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#4 You gotta love him

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#5 Dear Mr. President [pun alert!!]

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#6 I know what V is for…

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# 7 I don’t like Valentines.

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#8 Okay, I really don’t like Valentines!

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#9 Perfect

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#10 Not so perfect…

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#11 Punny (1)

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#12 Punny (2)

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#13 Punny (3)

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#14 I’ve got your back (but actually, please, don’t come back)

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Share this post! Or save your favourite meme and forward to your favourite (not) loved one. And enjoy the Big VD!

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS. Contact: ChrisG.George@gmail.com

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A dozen funny memes of 2022

We are only three weeks into 2022 but By George has seen some very funny memes in social media. Here are a dozen memes culled from our Facebook and Twitter feeds…. enjoy.

More from the collection: “It’s snow. It’s Canada.”

(Spread the By George laughter by right-clicking on your favourite image(s) and saving to your phone/computer to reshare in your social media feeds.)

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

 

 

 

Pandemic Politics (Memes!)

Seen in our By George social media feeds in the past two weeks, here is a collection of the most provocative memes sideswiping the politics of the pandemic. (Right click and save and then reshare the image.)

If you have a particularly striking meme to add to this collection, please email me at chrisg.george@gmail.com. I will be adding to this collection and posting more in the coming weeks.

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

 

Hilarious 2022 New Year’s Memes

By George has selected a few hilarious memes for celebrating ringing in New Year’s. Assuming you have a similar twisted sense of humour, you will enjoy through the next few days sharing these with your friends. (Right click on the images and save/copy and then share!)

It’s time to kick 2021 to the trash. The question remains what 2022 has in store for us?!

Wishing you a healthy, happy and prosperous New Year! – Chris George

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

A Chess History Lesson for Christmas

Back in the early 1400’s chess became very popular in a European community. There was a certain group of people in particular who were especially enthusiastic about the game. They meet up to play chess with each other at every opportunity.

Eventually, this obsession with playing chess caught the attention of the church leaders who noticed that this group of people were skipping church to play chess instead. This was seen as blasphemous and they were ordered to stop immediately.

Unfortunately, the draw of the game proved too strong for these chess aficionados and after continuing to defy the church, they were arrested and tried for heresy.

They were found guilty and sentenced to be burned at the stake.

This public execution, held in the town square, became the first recorded incident of chess nuts roasting on an open fire.

Chris George is an Ottawa-based government affairs advisor and wordsmith, president of CG&A COMMUNICATIONS. Contact: ChrisG.George@gmail.com

Christmas Memes for 2021

By George brings you a series of Christmas memes that reflects the sad realities of 2021 – another year of endurance through the never-ending pandemic.We hope some of these memes may bring a weary smile to your face.

 

And here are last year’s memes for the pandemic season: A dozen 2020 Christmas memes

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

 

“I’d rather be cycling.” – Santa

Here is a shout out to all our cycling friends. Did you know that I overheard Santa the other day say to Mrs. Claus: “I’d rather be cycling.” So, that gave me an idea….

By George presents a dozen Christmas images of Santa and his bike for all who can’t wait for spring thaw and dry roads.

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

#FakeChristmasSongFacts

#FakeChristmasSongFacts from Twitter! Very funny…

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The full version of Little Drummer Boy has a twenty minute drum solo.

Silent Night is best performed by mimes.

Do You Hear What I Hear was inspired by an ear exam.

Only 2 Of The Hens Were French. The Other 1 Was Portuguese.

There Is A 3rd Verse Where Frosty Goes Berserk And Kills All The Townspeople.

“I’ll Be Home for Christmas” was originally written during a Los Angeles traffic jam in July.

Silent Night was written by a man who snored like a freight train.

Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer eerily predicted the 2016 Presidential election results.

Grandma didn’t get run over by a reindeer; she was assaulted for being a Trump supporter.

Original version of “Rocking around the Christmas Tree” had way more cowbell.

Those 5 golden rings were gold-plated because that jackass spent all his money on birds.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus eventually led to a brutal child custody battle.

Whoever wrote Silent Night never had any kids.

After Santa asked Rudolph to be his guide, he then turned to the other reindeer and said ”Deal With It.”

The person who wrote “Noel” was dyslexic and it was supposed to be about his brother Leon.

The only thing God and Satan can agree upon? Christmas songs shall play 24/7 for eternity in *all* Circles of Hell!

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Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

 

 

This just in… Christmas is to be Downsized

Today’s global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary.

  • The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.
  • The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.
  • The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.
  • The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.
  • The five golden rings have been put on hold by the management.
  • Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.
  • The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.
  • The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.
  • Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.
  • As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought.
  • The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility.
  • Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.
  • Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.
  • Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.
  • Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cut back on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.
  • We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
  • Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney’s association seeking expansion to include the legal profession (”thirteen lawyers-a-suing”), action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, there will be a request for management to scrutinize the “Snow White Division” to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

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Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Some Christmas Humour

Cryptic Christmas Card

A man sent his friend a cryptic Christmas card. It read:

A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z.

The recipient puzzled over it for weeks, finally gave up and wrote asking for an explanation. He later received the explanation: “No L.”

 

The Real Santa?

The local newscaster was with the crowd of parade watchers, welcoming Santa as he arrived in town, and in a live interview asked a bouncy 4-year old girl if she had talked with this Santa yet to give him her Christmas list.

“No” she replied emphatically.

“Are you going to talk with Santa?” the newscaster asked.

“NO” once again was the most definite answer which was not the reaction that he was expecting at all!

“Why?” he curiously asked the little one.

“Because the real Santa is at the Mall.”

 

Who is the Real Virgin?

A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.

Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, “Which virgin was the mother of Jesus?  The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”

 

The Wrong Gift

The parents began to assemble the special Christmas gift they had for their children.   They had ordered a kit for a tree house and received the plans for it.   However, the materials they received were for a sailboat.

They wrote the company to complain.

The company’s reply:  “While we regret the inconvenience this mistake must have cause you, it is nothing compared to that of the man who is out on a lake somewhere trying to sail your tree house.”

 

The Seasonal Response

The store’s Santa Claus gave Jeanie a candy cane.  Her mother says, “What do you say, Jeanie?”  Jeanie looks up at Santa and says, “Charge it!”

 

God’s Not Deaf

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents’ house the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers.

The younger one began praying at the top of his lungs:

“I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…”
“I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO…”

His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, “Why are you shouting? God’s not deaf, you know?”

The younger brother replied. “Yes I know God’s not deaf, but Grandmother is.”

 

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Top-10 Things to Say about a Christmas Gift You Don’t Like

10. Hey! There’s a gift!

9. Well, well, well …

8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit.

7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.

6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.

5. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!

4. I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

2. To think — I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

 

And the Number One Thing to say about a Christmas gift you don’t like:

1. I really don’t deserve this.

 

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Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

Our Dozen FAV Funny Christmas Quotes

  • A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. — Garrison Keillor
  • Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music. — Tom Sims
  • Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home. — Carol Nelson
  • Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven. — W. C. Fields
  • There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime.  Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them. — P.J. O’Rourke
  • The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. — Johnny Carson
  • Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer…. Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? — Bill Watterson
  • The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C.  This wasn’t for any religious reasons.  They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin. — Jay Leno
  • What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a new job the next day. — Phyllis Diller
  • Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. — Victor Borge
  • I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays. — Henry Youngman
  • Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. — Kim Hubbard

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Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.

25 Favourite Christmas Puns

  • What did Adam say the day before Christmas? – It’s Christmas, Eve!
  • What is a typical elf greeting? – “Small world, isn’t it?”
  • You better get spruced up if you’re going to sell Christmas trees.
  • Some children call him Santa Caus since there is Noel.
  • How do Santa and Mrs. Claus travel? – On an icicle built for two.
  • What do Christmas trees and bad knitters have in common? – They both drop their needles.
  • If a reindeer lost its tail, where could he get a new one? – At a retail store.
  • What do you call a reindeer who wears ear muffs? – Anything you want. He can’t hear you, anyway.
  • What is green, covered with tinsel and says, “Rabbit, rabbit?” – A mistle-toad.
  • Who delivers Christmas presents to little sharks? – Santa Jaws.
  • What do monkeys sing at Christmas time? – Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.
  • Where does Santa Claus go swimming? – The North Pool.
  • What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations? – Tinselitis.
  • What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple? – A pineapple.
  • What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? – Claustrophobia!
  • What do you call a letter that is sent up the chimney on Christmas eve? – Blackmail.
  • What do reindeer use to decorate their Christmas trees? – Horn-aments.
  • Who makes toy guitars and sings, “Blue Christmas?” – Elfis.
  • What name does Santa Claus use when he takes a rest from delivering presents? – Santa Pause!
  • Where does Santa hide the presents he’s giving to Mrs. Claus? – In the clauset.
  • Why will Santa go down your chimney on Christmas Eve?- Because it soots him.
  • What does a reindeer say before telling a joke? – This one will sleigh you!
  • What do you call Santa when he goes to the beach? – Sandy Claus.
  • How long are an elf’s legs? – Long enough to reach the ground.
  • Do reindeer go to public school? – No, they’re elf taught.

Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.