10. Hey! There’s a gift!
9. Well, well, well …
8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!
4. I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. To think — I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
And the Number One Thing to say about a Christmas gift you don’t like:
1. I really don’t deserve this.
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Hope I don’t hear any of these with my gift to you.
Lump of coal for you this year