Self-depreciating rot

I have sat through this scene before

Witness to my past and forever future

I didn’t move then – and am not about to now

I simply lack the will to change

 

I need to find my balance — and then set it off kilter

 

At the core of every scene has been a troubled soul

There needs to be a yearning to uncover, explain, fight, expose

— and I have none of that.

What do I yearn for in my comfortable surroundings?

Nothing…

 

So, life becomes like a death spiral of personal depreciation –

It is the quiet moments, early in the morning,

When you’ve just woken from your dreams –

And you realize that it is another day.

 

Aching, stifling anxiety

Permanently reflecting on what can be

What could have been, what should be

Rendering one’s self worthless

 

An eunuch of what once was…

 

I long for nothing more than to look into the mirror of my soul

and to say again, “I know that man, and I respect him for his action.”

 

and yet, these are nothing but the idle thoughts of middle age

that take interesting men and thrust mediocrity upon them

 

Chris George 

From the collection entitled “At 42” 

June 2004

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *