Who would be your best sidekick visiting Parliament Hill?

Truly, the whacky world of political gamesmanship and bureaucratic quagmire has become more complex and tiresome. To make any headway in advancing an issue or taking a stand in Ottawa requires patience, a thick skin and a trusty side-kick to discern whether any progress is to be had. This will be especially true through 2014. An election might be more than a year away, however, all federal parties are actively jockeying for public attention. You can expect this Parliamentary Session to be fiercely partisan and anyone wishing to exchange more than niceties with MPs will need to be mindful of the competitive, at times toxic, political dynamics. (Our House of Commons is looking more and more like the American House of Representatives, where truth is unrecognizable and courtesy and sensibility is non-existent.)

So, on this day, with Parliamentarians returning to duty on the Hill, By George offers a tongue-in-cheek description of the perfect mix of characteristics for “your best wingman” when venturing into Parliament’s lair. Recall, with every challenge, Batman turned to trusted Robin; the Lone Ranger depended on ever-loyal Tonto. With your adventures in Ottawa, we envision the perfect sidekick being:

• part-diviner – able to locate exactly where you might draw support;
• part-air traffic controller – apt at keeping track of all the moving parts (and advising on your best approach in the crowded airspace); and,   
• part-court jester – skilled at subtly making the critical arguments while entertaining ADD-suffering MPs.

As an aside, if you are hoping to be heard at Queen’s Park, you best wear rubber boots these days.  We are perhaps weeks (some say a few months?) away from an election call and, unfortunately, it’s senseless to think you can shout over the politicians’ war cries. Know that you will be walking into a tribal bloodbath, with MPPs spraying fountains of hyperbole and outrageous condemnations. The best one can do is to collect promises along the way and carry these vows forward into the silence of a post-election dawn. At Queen’s Park, your best sidekick to survive the nonsense is:

• part-short order cook – able to serve up fast and appealing dishes of “everybody’s favourite”; 
  
• part-car wash attendant – good at spraying clean the mud from the chrome and keeping your vehicle on the road; and,
  
• part-historian – to properly place into context the promises made and then to convincingly retell your quest to Ontario’s new ruling tribesmen. 

Need to get some results in Ottawa or Toronto in the coming months? Best to choose a skilled riding partner who will have your back and consider your path well, Kemo Sabe.