Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Antithesis – When you try to demonstrate how something works to someone, it won’t.
Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about (often used by all levels of management).
The Starbucks Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Law of Two Tools – You only need two tools in life – WD40 & duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD40. If it moves and it shouldn’t, use the duct tape.
Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to go to the washroom.
Law of Gravity – Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the length of the reach.
Law of the Event – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
Variation Law – If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (this also occurs in checkout lines).