+15 degrees C : Vancouverites try to turn on the heat. Manitobans plant gardens.
+10 degrees C: Victorians shiver uncontrollably and dig out their longjohns. Winnipeggers sunbathe.
+5 degrees C: Italian and German cars won’t start. Winnipeggers drive with the windows down.
Zero C: Distilled water freezes. Winnipeg’s water gets thicker.
-5 degrees C: Torontonians wear coats, gloves and wool hats. Manitobans throw on a t-shirt.
-15 degrees C: Quebecers begin to evacuate the province. Manitobans go swimming.
-20 degrees C: Toronto landlords finally turn up the heat. Manitobans have the last cookout before it gets cold.
-25 degrees C: People in Vancouver cease to exist. Manitobans lick flagpoles.
-30 degrees C: Calgarians fly away to Mexico. Manitobans throw on a light jacket.
-40 degrees C: Hamilton disintegrates. Manitobans rent some videos.
-50 degrees C: Mt. St. Helen’s across the border freezes. Winnipeg Girl Scotts begin selling cookies door to door.
-60 degrees C: Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Manitoban Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” classes until it gets cold enough.
-80 degrees¡ C: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Winnipeggers pull down their earflaps.
-100 degrees C: Ethyl alcohol freezes. Manitobans get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg.
-200 degrees C: Microbial life survives on dairy products. Manitoba cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
-300 degrees C: ALL atomic motion stops. Manitobans start saying “Cold ’nuff for ya?”
-400 degrees C: Hell freezes over. The Winnipeg Blue Bombers win the Grey Cup
