1. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. We get slapped on our butts. Then things get worse.
2. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead; do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either; just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
3. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
4. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
5. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
6. A closed mouth gathers no foot. So, never miss a good chance to shut up.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
9. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
10. Always remember you’re unique – just like everyone else.