Pursuing Truth, Goodness, and Beauty
Humourous articles and classic jokes
An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER doctor appeared wearing his scrubs and a long face. “Sadly,” he said, “I’m afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.” “Oh, Dear God!”…
Once upon a time there was a King who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and enquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days. So the King went fishing with his wife, the Queen….
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very Liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favour of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her…
When campaigning along the streets of Toronto, Justin Trudeau ducked into a barber shop and asked the barber, “How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will the haircut look?” The barber replied, “Just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous.” An hour and fifteen minutes later Trudeau looked into…
Here are six humourous memes to share and help get your friends and colleagues over the hump of the week! (Right click and save to your computer for use in emails and social media platforms.) Happy Wednesday! And, here is a bonus image to forward to those who may…
On this the day of the fiscal update announcement in Ottawa, here are five of By George’s favourite memes on the subject of taxes. Seriously, it is not a funny matter… Join By George on Facebook and on Twitter for daily missives that are both provocative and entertaining. You can zap your friends with…
Here are a half dozen memes most suitable for putting a smile on your face on Wednesday morning. Enjoy your sideways humpday humour. To pass along this humour today, right click on these images and copy/save – and then share widely. Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer…
Accept the fact that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue! Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. We could learn a lot from crayons. Some…
A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing…
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play. What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy. Our turkey was sick. All day long it had a thermometer in it. Why did the turkey cross the…
MY SON WAS FLUNKING OUT OF COLLEGE SO I TOLD HIM, “YOU WILL MARRY THE GIRL I CHOOSE.” HE SAID, “NO.” I TOLD HIM, “SHE IS BILL GATES’ DAUGHTER.” HE SAID, “YES.” I CALLED BILL GATES AND SAID, “I WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY MY SON.” BILL GATES SAID, “NO.” I TOLD BILL GATES, “MY SON…
Work on one thing at a time until finished. Start no more new books, add no more new material to “Black Spring.” Don’t be nervous. Work calmly, joyously, recklessly on whatever is in hand. Work according to Program and not according to mood. Stop at the appointed time! When you can’t create you can work….
Take a pencil to write with on airplanes. Pens leak. But if the pencil breaks, you can’t sharpen it on the plane, because you can’t take knives with you. Therefore: take two pencils. If both pencils break, you can do a rough sharpening job with a nail file of the metal or glass type. Take…
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. He who laughs last, thinks slowest A day without sunshine is like, well, night Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine….
If there was one question and answer that sums up just how strange our world is in our day and digital age, it is the following: Q: If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared today, what would be the most difficult thing to explain to them about life today? . A: I possess a device…
1· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. 2· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. 3· Life is sexually transmitted. 4· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 5· The only difference between a rut and…
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. Age is a high price to pay for maturity. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. If you are too open minded, your brains will fall out. For every action, there is an equal and opposite…
Smile, it makes people wonder what you’re thinking. Don’t be so open-minded your brains fall out. There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station….
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: – Knowing when…
Here is “the epic” collection of political jokes from the campaign trail. With just two weeks left in the Ontario election, By George is re-publishing its political jokes and quotes book with many more jokes and feature sections. This 150-page e-book is bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. The…