Daily Affirmations for the Office

  • In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
  • I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
  • I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
  • I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
  • I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
  • As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
  • When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
  • Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
  • My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
  • I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
  • I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
  • Joan of Arc heard voices too.
  • Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
  • I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so.”
  • Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
  • A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
  • I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
  • False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
  • I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
  • The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.


(ed. – This humour is a repost, originally appearing in By George Journal in October 2009.)


One Person's Craziness


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