Pursuing Truth, Goodness, and Beauty
Humourous articles and classic jokes
A research institution announced the discovery of the heaviest element known to science. The new element has been tentatively named “Governmentium “. Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,…
In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault. I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those…
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. Some people cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. You’re never too old to learn something stupid. A bus station…
We have had a lot of fun at By George sharing punny memes in our Facebook and Twitter streams. Here are our top 10 – and we thank all our followers who participated in our antics!! Join us at the By George Journal on Facebook and Twitter. Enjoy our daily injections of provocative posts….
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. No matter how much you push the…
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.” I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down. Atheism…
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. “So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?” ” Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk. ”…
Question – Why are Irish jokes so simple? Answer – So the English can understand them. The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they’re always assured of having a worthy opponent. Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn’t kissed his wife for twenty years, but…
“I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.” – Charles de Gaulle “The word “politics” is derived from the Greek word “poly,” meaning “many,” and the word “ticks,” meaning “blood sucking parasites.” – anonymous “Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from…
“Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.” – Alex Levine “I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a…
I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there….
Outside England ‘s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. The fees for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7). For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant….. Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn’t show…
This theory is sometimes referred to as “Government’s Political Correctness.” Here’s the predicament: The tribal wisdom of the Plains Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount, then get another horse.” However, in Government, more advanced strategies…
For your morning smile today, here’s Canadian content that will help to celebrate the Ides of March. Our infamous comedy team of Canucks, John Wayne and Frank Shuster, did a memorable skit of the assassination of Julius Caesar, in which Caesar’s wife keeps screeching “I told him, Julie, don’t go!” Even dated some three decades…
Here are some of By George’s favourite Valentine wishes from President Donald Trump. Have a huuuge day! (ed. – Right click on the image and “copy”. Go ahead and spread the love today!) Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A…
In the last few weeks, since the inauguration of President Donald Trump, By George has received some very funny memes skewering the new American commander-in-chief. Here are 5 of our FAVs!! Trump Supporters’ Bookshelves #1 Best-Seller for Trump Supporters The Post-Super Bowl Press Conference at the White House If…
News Flash: The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump’s health care package: The Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain…
Here’s a poem By George received last evening – anonymously written – however we can be certain the clever poet is a Democrat. In a land where the states are united, they claim, in a sky-scraping tower adorned with his name, lived a terrible, horrible, devious chump, the bright orange miscreant known as the…
This news flash from south of the border… It is forecast that American President Donald Trump will destroy the local Arizona economies in the coming weeks. CNN reports that illegal immigrants are boycotting Arizona by the thousands and moving elsewhere showing their outrage with Donald Trump’s proposed law of sending illegal immigrants back…
There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Lutheran Church decided to do a big restoration…