Pursuing Truth, Goodness, and Beauty
A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing…
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play. What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy. Our turkey was sick. All day long it had a thermometer in it. Why did the turkey cross the…
MY SON WAS FLUNKING OUT OF COLLEGE SO I TOLD HIM, “YOU WILL MARRY THE GIRL I CHOOSE.” HE SAID, “NO.” I TOLD HIM, “SHE IS BILL GATES’ DAUGHTER.” HE SAID, “YES.” I CALLED BILL GATES AND SAID, “I WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY MY SON.” BILL GATES SAID, “NO.” I TOLD BILL GATES, “MY SON…
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. He who laughs last, thinks slowest A day without sunshine is like, well, night Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine….
1· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. 2· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. 3· Life is sexually transmitted. 4· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 5· The only difference between a rut and…
Here is “the epic” collection of political jokes from the campaign trail. With just two weeks left in the Ontario election, By George is re-publishing its political jokes and quotes book with many more jokes and feature sections. This 150-page e-book is bursting with funny guffaws, “shaggy-dog” stories and sideways jokes about politicians and politics. The…
A research institution announced the discovery of the heaviest element known to science. The new element has been tentatively named “Governmentium “. Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,…
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. Some people cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. You’re never too old to learn something stupid. A bus station…
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. “So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?” ” Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk. ”…
This theory is sometimes referred to as “Government’s Political Correctness.” Here’s the predicament: The tribal wisdom of the Plains Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount, then get another horse.” However, in Government, more advanced strategies…
In the last few weeks, since the inauguration of President Donald Trump, By George has received some very funny memes skewering the new American commander-in-chief. Here are 5 of our FAVs!! Trump Supporters’ Bookshelves #1 Best-Seller for Trump Supporters The Post-Super Bowl Press Conference at the White House If…
News Flash: The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump’s health care package: The Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain…
This news flash from south of the border… It is forecast that American President Donald Trump will destroy the local Arizona economies in the coming weeks. CNN reports that illegal immigrants are boycotting Arizona by the thousands and moving elsewhere showing their outrage with Donald Trump’s proposed law of sending illegal immigrants back…
There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Lutheran Church decided to do a big restoration…
Less than a year ago, Olympic champion Lindsey Vonn tore the anterior cruciate, ligament and medial collateral ligament in her right knee and fractured her tibia during a harrowing ski accident in Schlamding, Austria. Vonn was airlifted by helicopter to a hospital in Schladming. Concerned she wouldn’t be ready for the 2018 Winter Olympics, the U.S. Olympic Committee announced today her spot…
A young man named Donald bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Donald’s house and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.” Donald replied, “Well, then just give me my…
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone. Sex is like air. It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any. No one…
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the U.N. The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” The survey was a complete failure because: In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant. In Western Europe they…
You keep a picture of the Stanley Cup in your wallet in front of the picture of your family. All your kids are either named Gordie, Bobby or Wayne. Your idea of serving breakfast is giving each of your kids a fork and dropping an Eggo in the middle of the table. You punish your…
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favour of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that…