Here are some of By George’s favourite Valentine wishes from former President Donald Trump.
Have a huuuge day!
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(ed. – Right click on the image and “copy”. Go ahead and spread the love today!)
Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS. Contact: ChrisG.George@gmail.com
Return to the menu for the By George St Valentine’s Wish
(ed. – Thank you to our friend Dick Inwood, who has sent us these tongue-in-cheek zen musings to help us laugh through our day.)
Chris George, providing reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.
One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
The moral of the story: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
And so, the donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
And the corollary to this moral: When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
(ed. – Thanks goes again to Dick Inwood)
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Chris George provides reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.
Here’s an illustrious powerplay if ever there was one. Follow closely…
DAD: Son, you have to get married. I have a girl for you.
SON: Not possible!! I don’t want to marry.
DAD: Think twice son. She is Bill Gates’ daughter!
SON: Ok Dad, I am ready!
(Dad goes to Bill Gate)
DAD: My son wants to marry your daughter!
BILL GATES: Not possible!
DAD: Think twice, my son is the CEO of Swiss Bank.
BILL GATES: Well, she’s ready!
(Dad goes to Swiss Bank Bank)
DAD: Make my son the CEO of your Bank!
BANK: Not possible!
DAD: Think twice, he is Bill Gates’ son-in-law.
BANK: Your son’s job is confirmed!
Is this not a great example of superlative management skills!?
Chris George, providing reliable PR & GR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.
Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian who writes in The Borowitz Report in The New Yorker. These two priceless Borowitz columns first appeared in The New Yorker…
Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.
The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.
“These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information,” Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said. “And yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive.”
More worryingly, Logsdon said, “As facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.”
While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data, they theorize that the strain may have developed the ability to intercept and discard information en route from the auditory nerve to the brain. “The normal functions of human consciousness have been completely nullified,” Logsdon said.
While reaffirming the gloomy assessments of the study, Logsdon held out hope that the threat of fact-resistant humans could be mitigated in the future. “Our research is very preliminary, but it’s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen,” he said.
Many in Nation Tired of Explaining Things to Idiots
Many Americans are tired of explaining things to idiots, particularly when the things in question are so painfully obvious, a new poll indicates.
According to the poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, while millions have been vexed for some time by their failure to explain incredibly basic information to dolts, that frustration has now reached a breaking point.
Of the many obvious things that people are sick and tired of trying to get through the skulls of stupid people, the fact that climate change will cause catastrophic habitat destruction and devastating extinctions tops the list, with a majority saying that they will no longer bother trying to explain this to cretins.
Coming in a close second, statistical proof that gun control has reduced gun deaths in countries around the world is something that a significant number of those polled have given up attempting to break down for morons.
Finally, a majority said that trying to make idiots understand why a flag that symbolizes bigotry and hatred has no business flying over a state capitol only makes the person attempting to explain this want to put his or her fist through a wall.
In a result that suggests a dismal future for the practice of explaining things to idiots, an overwhelming number of those polled said that they were considering abandoning such attempts altogether, with a broad majority agreeing with the statement, “This country is exhausting.”
And that should get you through Friday with a smile!
Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.
Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.
These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to four-letter words. When writers and speakers pondered upon words and weighed each of them before making a sentence.
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Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.
Here are a few one-liners, puns and jokes relating to “social media” to insert in your next presentation – or in your next conversation with a tech-fearing person.
You just might be addicted to Social Media if you have more facebook friends than in real life… or,
So, a man and wife were both in an Internet Business, but it was the husband who truly lived, ate and breathed computers. His wife finally realized how bad it gotten when one day she was scratching his back, and he said “No, not there. Scroll down a little.”
Beware: Puns!
And from yesterday’s PR Daily, here is Sam Fiorella’s 12 most ridiculous social media job titles (in no particular order):
1. Web Alchemist
2. Head of Interactions
3. Ant Colony Forman
4. Chief People Herder
5. Chatter Monkey
6. Community Data Guerrilla
7. Social Media Guru
8. Social Media Swami
9. Public Happy Maker
10. Social Media Evangelist
11. Social Media Rockstar
12. Social Media Missionary
Here is a morning smile to explain the essence of the term ‘POLITICAL CORRECTNESS’.
One of the original definitions for this overused modern term is found in four telegrams at the Truman Library and Museum in Independence Missouri. The following is the exchange of telegrams between then President Harry Truman and Gen Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the WWII Surrender Agreement in September 1945.
Note that the contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received at the end of the war – not a word has been added or deleted!
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(1) Tokyo,Japan
0800-September 1,1945
To: President Harry S Truman
From: General D A MacArthur
Tomorrow we meet with those yellow-bellied bastards and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions?
(2) Washington, D C
1300-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur
From: H S Truman
Congratulations, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct!
(3) Tokyo, Japan
1630-September 1, 1945
To: H S Truman
From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz
Wilco Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?
(4) Washington, D C
2120-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz
From: H S Truman
Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end!
(ed. – Our thanks for this morning smile goes out to friend Dick Inwood who keeps us laughing here.)
Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.
T.G.I.F.! Yes?!
If it has been a long week, the By George scribes have found something that will make everything okay!
With a simple click of a button – click here – you can do away with the troubles of the week and launch yourself into a weekend of rest and relaxation.
(We advise you to bookmark this resource – and use it as often as needed.)
From the offices at By George, have a great weekend.
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Chris George, providing reliable PR counsel and effective advocacy. Need a go-to writer and experienced communicator? Call 613-983-0801 @ CG&A COMMUNICATIONS.
Here is a tongue-in-cheek list of rules for those who wish to maintain a skeptical outlook.
# 1 – Do not let what you think get in the way of what you see.
# 2 – Do not let what you see determine what you think, for appearances are deceptive.
# 3 – Be omnivorous in your tastes.
# 4 – The only way to see something whole is from several points of view.
# 5 – The closer you come to reality the more it is a mystery, and the more unimaginable it is that you or anything else exists.
# 6 – The only truth is in scrupulous satisfaction over time.
# 7 – Develop principles that you are willing to abandon, but not easily.
# 8 – When anything is too sacred to joke about, the cause is fear.
# 9 – If you are skeptical of faith and reason, what is left as a basis for decision? Everything, so long as you are prepared to be wrong.
# 10 – Death is the sunlight that makes all things visible.
Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Antithesis – When you try to demonstrate how something works to someone, it won’t.
Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about (often used by all levels of management).
The Starbucks Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Law of Two Tools – You only need two tools in life – WD40 & duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD40. If it moves and it shouldn’t, use the duct tape.
Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to go to the washroom.
Law of Gravity – Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the length of the reach.
Law of the Event – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
Variation Law – If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (this also occurs in checkout lines).
Last night was, well, the last night… After a total of 6,028 The Late Show broadcasts, David Letterman signed off with class: “The only thing I have left to do for the last time on a television program is say thank you and good night.”
And here’s the final tweet from The Late Show – Thank you and goodnight -David Letterman #ThanksDave
In tribute to David’s remarkable career, the By George Journal provides the following links for you to enjoy…
David Letterman’s Monologue – 5/20/15
David Letterman’s Final Thank You and Good Night
‘Our long national nightmare is over’: Letterman signs off after 33-year run
David Letterman’s departure marks end of an era
Top 10 questions about Letterman’s beloved Top Ten
By George Journal post: David Letterman and Top 10 Lists
David Letterman’s final Top 10 list before retirement
For the record, here is the very last of the Letterman’s Top Ten lists…
The category was “Things I’ve Always Wanted to Say to Dave.”
10. Alec Baldwin: “Of all the talk shows, yours was the most geographically convenient to my home.”
9. Barbara Walters: “Did you know you wear the same cologne as Moammar Gadhafi?”
8. Steve Martin: “Your extensive plastic surgery was a necessity and a mistake.”
7. Jerry Seinfeld: “I have no idea what I’ll do when you go off the air. You know, I just thought of something. I’ll be fine.”
6. Jim Carrey: “Honestly, Dave, I’ve always found you to be a bit of an over-actor.”
5. Chris Rock: “I’m just glad your show is being given to a white guy.”
4. Julia Louis-Dreyfus: “Thanks for letting me take part in another hugely disappointing series finale.”
3. Peyton Manning: “You are to comedy what I am to … comedy.”
2. Tina Fey: “Thanks for finally proving men can be funny.”
1. Bill Murray: “Dave, I’ll never have the money I owe you.”
For more highlights and unforgettable clips from the show, visit the official The Late Show YouTube channel:
Late Show with David Letterman
Thank you David Letterman for all the laughs and all the memories!
Annoyed at having to suffer your co-workers uttering, day in and day out, over-used catch-phrases? Ready to jump over the meeting table or scream out loud the next time somebody says “We got to go after the low hanging fruit.”?
Unfortunately, our workplaces are littered with buzzwords and phrases. You just need to laugh at it all… and why not consider playing bullsh#t bingo? With a bingo card in hand, it is highly likely, you will actually begin to yearn to hear those annoying statements.
Here’s how you play. Take a blank bingo card and place one of your workplace catch-phrases in each of the squares. Then mark each block when you see or hear the choice words and phrases. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout “BULLSH#T!!!”.
Here is a link to print off blank cards.
(ed. – This also makes a great drinking game and for every block you mark off, take a sip, and finish your drink each time you get five blocks in a row.)
Here is an example of annoying workplace phrases that could be used on a card:
Playing an on-going bullsh#t bingo game with your colleagues can make each workday exciting. It certainly takes the edge off the repetitive use of buzzwords.
Let us know what key catch-phrases will be a fixture on your bingo card? And let us know how you make out in the game.
For all cubical-dwellers, here is some Monday morning inspiration to get you started this week…
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.We have all seen these types of lists of questions. Rhetorical. Silly. Puzzling. All designed to simply divert your attention (or that person you have chosen to bug) from the task at hand.
So, here’s a list. You can put your pen down or turn your device on mute. Take the time to enjoy these diversions. Consider the following questions:
(ed. – Thank you to our friend Dick Inwood, who succeeds in keeping us amused each and every day.)
Start with a cage containing five monkeys.
Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result – all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when any monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm!
Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.
Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.
After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.
Why not? Because as far as they know that’s the way it’s always been done around here.
And that, my friends, is how ‘the status quo’ begins.
(ed. – This post has been previously published a few times in By George Journal, first in 2008.)